How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
