Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
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I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
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Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
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