So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
