She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
