Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
