Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
