so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
