please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
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