why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
