Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize
