Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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