Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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