Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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