three words: i give head
three words: not that well
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
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