I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
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