Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
You need a sexual gate keeper
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
