so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
