she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
