You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
She tied me up with her honor cords...
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
