tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
I just keep sniffing it hoping for an explanation.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
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