i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
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i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
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And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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