how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
