That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
