you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
