It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
