Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Obama's speech on in 9 mins. Me in the shower now. Naked. Make your choice.
I'm bringing the tv in with me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
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