I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
