I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Randomize
