he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
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