HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
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