p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize