i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Randomize
