Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
she looked like the before picture.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
