She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
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