Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
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