evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
i just shoved 27 marshmallows in my mouth
well thats a nice change of pace from what you normally put in your mouth
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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