as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Randomize
