you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
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