Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Randomize
