It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
