some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
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