New invention idea: vibrating tampons
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
and you fell through a lawn chair
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
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