dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I'm pretty sure we put the facepaint on during whippets
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
