If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
Randomize
