is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
