tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
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she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
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My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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