Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
Randomize
