There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
I need a beard to bite.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
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