shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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