New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
