Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Randomize