i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
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Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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