watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
Randomize
