Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize