He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
