my phone needs a breathalizer
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
