No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
