i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
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