Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
Randomize
