I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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