hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize