Fuck?...well quicky, i have to study...unless you can read my book while i bang you, then it can last four chapters
I can be that talented
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
