he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Randomize
