could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
