Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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