i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Randomize
