Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Walk of shame was bad enough, but farting with each step as I walked past his roommates was just not cosmically fair.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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