did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
