Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
