you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
