U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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