the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
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