I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
