my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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