I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
