i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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