I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
