i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
