every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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