btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
