I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize
