Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
Randomize
