the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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